Building Trust in an English Classroom

I’m not good at secrets.

In fact, the other night I was writing in my journal, and I tried to write down every secret I still had. I could only come up with five. (And, honestly, I am fighting the urge to write them here). Talking and writing have always been my best way of healing, so secrets just don’t last long with me.

The same applies with students. I would say I am hugely transparent with them - probably TOO transparent to be honest. Like secrets, I don’t hide my reactions well. My department chair and close friend always tells me to “Check your face!” before department meetings. My expression gives me away every time, so honestly, it’s easier to be an open book than try to hide anything.

That said, the biggest upheaval of my life, which happened last spring and deepened the first week of school this August, is something that I chose to keep from my students. 

But now, days after graduation, I am fielding all the Facebook friend requests from them, and I am terrified they’ll scroll a little too far back and find out that for more than nine months, I was keeping something from them. Something that changed me inside and out. That I was pretending to be something I wasn’t. 

But we all wear a mask sometimes, right? Having battled mental illness for years, there have been countless times where I had to plaster on a smile when I felt horrible inside. And when a student has complained about a faculty member that I too dislike - I’ve sought out good qualities and complimented the teacher. 

Yet somehow, as I watched them graduate last weekend, I felt as though I had been inauthentic. That I had hidden too big a piece of the person I have become. 

For them, it’s inconsequential. They don’t know what they didn’t know. 
For me, it’s not so easy. In fact, I am writing this in the hopes I’ll come to terms with keeping such a big secret from the students that - frankly - pulled me through the worst of it.

I know the dangers of oversharing with students. Simultaneously, I hate that I lied by omission. I feel the mutual respect and trust I’ve built with students is always derivative of my openness and honesty. So what can I do when my authentic self is too much to share?

The other day, I was talking with one of my readers about trust-building activities, and I realized that for me, I’ve always built that trust out of this transparency. No secrets. No “because I said so.” No deflected questions.

Having faced this time where transparency wasn't possible, I recognize that I need some other strategies too. Here is what my personal learning network and I came up with:

• Write beside them. @cruickbook - one of my Twitter pals - said that “being honest about how difficult writing is” for her and “not pretending to know it all” builds trust. I couldn’t agree more! When I first started modeling writing for students, I was obsessive about writing out my response before hand to make sure that I explained it perfectly. Since, I have dropped the pretense. If a draft isn’t going well, I tell them. If a sentence beginning sucks, I point it out, saying “If we got time, I’ll come back to it.” 
• Maslow Hierarchy of Needs presentations. This idea comes from the same lady that tells me to “Check your face” before meetings. (It’s in a loving way… I think). Basically, students are introduced to Maslow's hierarchy. (She uses a YouTube video). Then, they get a “brown bag” in which they bring an item that represents each level of the hierarchy for them. For instance, maybe self-esteem looks like a camera - as in, they see themself as a skilled photographer and that builds their self-esteem. As she puts it, “kids get to understand the different needs, what each of us needs, and what is important to us.” In other words, it builds compassion. (Full disclosure, I haven’t done this one, but I am going to try it! This lady is a teaching ICON, so I’ll steal anything she throws my way).
• The same teacher also gave me what she calls the Four Quadrant Activity - another first week of school activity. Essentially students outline their expectations for themselves, for their peers, for the teacher, and for groups the first day. Then, the teacher compiles an anonymous list of responses and as a class, they determine which expectations show up multiple times, but also (and I love this part!) talk about those expectations that only one student wrote, reminding them that they need to understand that someone in the room needs something additional. The process goes through all four quadrants. It also creates a point of reference for the year when conflict arises. I’ve done a similar activity in which students created their own syllabus - setting up expectations for behavior and class policies. This kind of ownership over class procedures is hugely helpful in building trust between teacher and student, because as the teacher, I am not just handing down mandates. We come to them together. It is also helpful in building peer trust as they find commonalities and learn about individual needs. 
• Conferencing. It’s no secret that conferencing - particularly about reading and writing - have a massive impact on student success, but these one-on-one conversations do so much more than that. Here’s an example: My colleague and I both teach AP Language and Composition. We have similar styles, and we do the exact same assignments and lessons every day. Nonetheless, she had a past student that refused to accept the feedback on her writing - to the point that she was getting mom and administrators involved. When we offered conferences, she came to me - certain that I would tell her the writing was beautiful and perfect. That’s not at all what happened; however, because we were able to talk through the different aspects of the essay and I could answer her questions, she accepted the feedback. From there out, she was much more willing to trust the feedback my colleague continued to provide. Had she signed up for the same conference with my colleague, it would have been the exact same result. Students need that brief back and forth to see the rationale behind grading sometimes. And that also goes for reading check-ins and even just casual conversations. Any time you can invest in one-on-one moments like this is hugely important in building trust.
• Low stakes group work. I totally agree with another Twitter friend, @randomkat, on this one. Sometimes you need to throw kids together with some paper and markers and tell them to color. It may not be graded. It may be a stretch from the content, but these moments offer a rare chance to interact in a less stressful way. As a student myself, we often did one-pagers in my AP Literature class. While we worked, we talked and joked and built the relationships we had as the year went on. Giving the time for these casual interactions will help students trust one another as they become more comfortable.

Those are the ideas I've scrounged up. As I hear from more people, I’ll keep adding to the list!

sincerely, Cwik